A Stay At Home Mom

Do I work? Yes! I work 24 hours a day. Why? Because I'm a MOMMY. I am a cook, a cleaner, a parent, a teacher, a referee, a nanny, a nurse, a handyman, a maid, a security officer and a comforter. I don't get holidays, sick pay, or a day OFF. I work through the day and the night. I am on call at all hours....... Now tell me my job isn't a real one!
If you are considering returning to work...here are some qualifications that should be on your resume:

Daycare Staff - Having 2 kids of my own I feel I need no "on the job" training for this one. If I can handle my crazy kids and sometime babysit other kids then bring it on!! I may need a refresher course in CPR to be certified, but I am sure I already know first hand all the tricks any kid can come up with. I also developed a good set of patience, something I did not have 9 years ago!!!

Housekeeper - 7 days a week cleaning up after myself, my husband, 2 kids, and a pet has taught me how to get the job done right, quick, and with no hesitation. From floors to walls to toilets and beyond. I have seen it all!!

Laundry - Four loads of wash every few days from start to finish. Hunting for the dirty cloths, sorting them out, putting in the washer, some in the dryer, some on the cloths line, folding, putting away. I consider myself to be an expert!!! No missing socks, and no shrunken shirts!

Chef- I can classify for both Head Chef and Short Order Cook because that is generally my everyday life. 3 of us eat the same meal everyday, while just my baby needs something else. Everyone eats, everyone is happy.

Personal Assistant- I figure with this one I may be able to handle one or two clients being that right now I am a personal assistant to 5 other people. I remember everyone's appointments, make sure nobody is late, and also make sure they have everything they need before leaving the house.

Business Manger - After successfully running a household I feel I am very capable of running a business. I know for myself, the true meaning a multi-tasking, and no textbook can teach you this skill, you either got it or you don't. If I can manage every aspect to my household I am sure I would make an excellent candidate to manage an office or different type of business. I know in my house if I am sick and down for the count this whole operation falls apart, but when I am well it is very quickly but back together!!

Court Room Employee- This one I say jokingly because I know I do not know all of the laws and rules of the court. But I added it on for the sense that everyday atleast once I feel like the judge, the prosecutor, or the defense attorney. The kids are always tattling on one another, stories are sometime fabricated, other people outside the home report bad behavior they may have caught my children doing, and it is my job to find the truth, find what may have started it, defend something that may have been taken wrong, and judging the punishment that is fit for the crime. l think I may even make a pretty good lie detector machine. lol

Personal Stylist - This was a not so easy job to learn. Styles change all the time, kids want to be unique, etc. But I have gotten alot better. I pick their cloths for the day, make sure everything matches, and make sure everything is clean.  Styling hair is even something I learned to an extent.  (Advice for others with daughters--if you decide you are going to cut your daughter's hair start practicing at a young age, when they are little they don't always notice mistakes, but when they are older they will)

Personal Shopper - I am a professional shopper. I make my list, cut my coupons, and head to the store. I will rarely forget something we need or something someone else may need. I know what they like as well as what they don't like. We rarely run out of important items, unless someone doesn't remove an empty box from the cabinet. I do not have X-ray vision so if the box is there I will assume there is something inside.

Here are some secrets about being a stay at home mom:

1. The title "stay at home" is a passive-aggressive term. There is nothing flattering, glamorous or remotely attractive about the word "stay." "Too Much Woman to Be Confined to a Cubicle Farm" works better.

2. Apparently, you are expected to be "at home" for some parts of the day; particularly those parts when children under the age of 12 are in your care.

3. Repairmen are not sexy in any way.

4. Nothing very exciting happens. But you need to talk, so the best entertainment is gossip and backstabbing. It is unavoidable and addictive.

5. People will say, "Well, its not like you're working or anything" just moments before they a) sign you up for lame volunteer duties at your child's school, b) dump their own brats on your doorstep, or c) redirect all their home deliveries to your front door (even the fertilizer order).

6. Cleaning the house is not a problem, keeping it clean is. If the house is as clean at the end of the day as it was when you started, you win.

7. You cannot be late for anything, or with anything. You have nothing else to do.

8. Your perceived intelligence drops by at least 50 IQ points. You may have run the computer science department at MIT before you decided to stay at home, but two weeks into the new job and your kids will be asking Dad for help on the family computer.

9. You have no excuse for not exercising.

10. You have no excuse for not eating a healthy lunch.

11. You can be truly bored at the same time you are acknowledging that you could be exercising, cleaning the house or watching someone else's kids.

12. The minute you resign form your old position, they promote it to a higher level, increase the salary and bestow a fabulous new title on that person who took over from you.

13. Your husband either a) shirks all domestic duty, which makes you mad, or b) doesn't shirk any, making you feel guilty. Yay! Something new to fight about!

14. Your children expect you to be at their beck and call. Even in the middle of an emergency manicure, one is expected to drop everything and rush to the school over a perceived "sore stomach."

15. You now have time to launder the sheets.

16. Even after 5 p.m., drinking with only children in the house is still considered to be "drinking alone." What, you had a hard day or something?

17. Your children are no better behaved simply because you're the primary caregiver now. In fact, most often, they're worse.

18. If you dress nicely, neighbours are suspicious. If you dress like a slob, you've let yourself go. If you dress too old, you're middle-aged before your time. If you dress too young, you're a slut.

19. Teachers expect you to be on top of the notes they send home.